Psalm 45 Chronicles

Dear Deborah Juillerat,

2/28/2012

I wanted to be so broken for your family when I heard the news nearly two years ago now. I wanted to cry for you. I wanted to wail and mourn but, I couldn’t muster it up because I was so cold on the inside. I was paralyzed and blinded by self-pity and unbearable pain. Void of feelings and emotions. My dear, you deserve more than that. You’re memory alone is worth more than that. Driving home tonight and bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders, I thought of you. Suddenly the suppressed pain and angish concerning you was released. And for the first time in a long, long, long time, I could cry again. I cried for you. I cried for me and the missed opportunities that sat before me while you were still here. I never got to tell you that I loved it when you followed me around. I never got to tell you that I loved you and that it was an honor to have been counted worthy enough of an individual to teach you things. I grew quite fond of you doing all that I did. You never were the annoyance that I once complained about you being. I was a stupid kid. And I overreacted. Here God was trying to bless me with your presence and show me what life was really about and I couldn’t get over myself and comforts. What a foolish child I was.

The memories that I have with you and of you, I will cherish forever. You’re courage and how you fought for your life, never holding back; never slowing down; always standing strong again the sickness that plagued your body will forever speak to me and spur me on towards my future. We healthy and yet ungrateful humans need to acknowledge what we have and apply it. Not live in desolate places of regret and could haves or should haves. Friend, you will forever be thirteen and yet, even at that age, you are and will always be one of the bravest people that I know. Thank you for teaching me what true valor is all about. This is a bit late but, love, honesty and tears are not loyal to this thing that we call time. Rest now, Beloved, in the Fathers arms and in the realm of eternity. I have faith that we will see one another again someday.

Sarah J. 

Lincoln feels the Lord’s presence

Since landing here in Pennsylvania, I have recently joined the worship team at Soul Fire youth group. Every Wednesday night in between practice and service, KelLee and I have been praying in one of the side rooms for the Lord to break in on the leadership with the urgency of the hour and revelations of intimacy for the students. This past Wednesday night, Kels and I were going about our usual routine of praying before service and these 12 year olds randomly wander in. They grabbed two chairs and joined us in our petitions to the Lord. As KelLee began to pray, I felt the Lord’s presence rest on my frame and my spirit began to groan in travail. After her prayer was finished one of the girls (Emily) looks to me and says,” Are you alright?! Were you dancing?!”

Here’s a very important piece of information. This entire church has never seen anything like that before. There’s no new wine or healing and deliverance going on here. This church is stuck in their hymn books and enjoys it intensely. They are okay with the daily grind and never needing to experience the presence of the Lord. So I have to look like some kind of weirdo saying that the Lord sent me here and rocking back and forward during prayer.

I began to explain to them the presence of the Lord and why I move around during prayer. At one point during my description, Holy Spirit began touching me and I manifested in the spirit. That didn’t help anything at all!! So Kels and I are trying to put this into simplistic terms and finally I looked at Lincoln (the second girl) and said, “Do you want to feel what I feel?” She nodded and closed her eyes as I began to pray for her. I never placed my hands on her and I left enough room between my hands and her head that everyone in the room could see that. As I prayed for her, she grasped and jerked backwards.

When I asked her what she felt, she said, “I felt these hands pushing me backwards!!”

Kels and I looked at each other in amazement! The Lord had revealed Himself to her in a small way but powerful way. We believe that this is only the beginning of what He wanted to do with this youth group and this generation! Bless the Lord.  

Psalm 45 Chronicles

Swaying to the Movement of His Fragrance 






John 3:8 "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” 

I never expected to move to Pennsylvania. I don't recall knowing where Pennsylvania was on a US map. I prayed earnestly about going on this trip before jumping in the van that I'd spent so much time praying/crying/sweating and travailing in last year. I hadn't seen the Jesus van since Amanda Bell had left for California almost an exact year ago in it. And here Amanda was again in Kansas City with the Jesus van and  her new fiancé, Dustin Bell talking to me about making it on time to their own wedding. As of that point was I homeless. It seemed to be the best option at the time. My only option really. Nothing was clear to me. I felt as if  I were being pushed out of Missouri. Away from the foundation that I'd spent so much time building. Away from my family and friends. I had no clue where I'd land. Remember, at the point, I was homeless. The money for rent in October hadn't come in. I knew it wasn't going to. The Lord had been preparing me heart to not be offended Him by pressing me on all sides.


The transition to where I am now was quite peaceful really. As I stated earlier on, I never expected to move to Pennsylvania. I jumped in the van on my way to a wedding in North Carolina.We were running out of time. We needed to be there by the 4th and it was now the 2nd. We picked up Steve May and off we went. Visiting KelLee Warren in Pennsylvania was a very last minute decision. Yeah, she meant a lot me and I hadn't seen her since July. Why not??

I spent two weeks with her in Pennsylvania and then it became evident what the Lord wanted from me. Before I left in the van, I'd bought a ticket back to my life. Back to normality. Business as usual for me. The busyness of a packed schedule and no sleep. The stress of not having time at all. The weightiness of living and not being able to provide for myself. What the Lord wanted me to do was help a small youth group 2,000 miles from all that was me. IN THE BOONIES!!  WHAT JESUS?! WHY LEWISBERRY, PA?! THEY HAVE HORSES AS PETS HERE!! AND THEY RIDE THEM AS A MEANS OF FORE FILLING A NEED FOR ENTRAINMENT!!

So here I am. PENNSYLVANIA!! Loving my life. Riding horses as a means of fore filling desire of entertainment!! Pouring into this youth group as a leader and being closer to KelLee has brought more joy than I can imagine. I am swaying to the movement of His fragrance. Allowing my life to be poured out as a drink offering at His feet. I've done more traveling in a month than I've done in my entire life but everywhere His fragrance leads, I am compelled to follow. To me its not a command. Its a means of living.


Matt 4:4-"But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’"

The Jasmine/Sarah Story

Many of you want to know what happened to Jasmine. I just up and changed my name on you guys one day and now you're confused...or just curious. Here's the truth of why I changed my name. I didn't just make it up randomly. I didn't just decide to be...(I'm about to offend someone!!!)...white. (Even though some of you truly believe that I'm striving to be)

I changed it because God changed it. I never asked for a name change. I wasn't expecting it. He just called me Sarah while I was in the secret place (Song of Songs 2:14) in January of 2009. I was really thrown off by it. Sarah?!?!?! Who the heck is Sarah?? I'm Jasmine!! But, it became extremely consistent. I would be spending time with Jesus and He's call me Sarah. Not Jasmine. Not Carter or any other nickname I may have picked up along the way. Sarah. Sarah! 

It finally dawned on me after a while. I am Sarah! I rejected it almost as quick as the revelation came. I've always heard the name Sarah associated with the phase,"Mother of many". I didn't want children!! Sarah by no means fit me! 

I met an amazing man of the Lord in 09, Joshua, who explained the meaning of the name. Sarah means "Princess". Not Mother of many but, Princess!! So I stopped fighting the Lord and received it. I just didn't tell too many people.

Since then, I've learned that the name also means, Mother of kings. And now, I want children so its okay! Its also the highest form of adoption to me. To give a child your name is powerful and breaks off the Orphan spirit every time and places the Spirit of Adoption over that child's life. The Lord have Abram and Sarai His name! JehovAH. AbrAHam. SarAH. (Genesis 17) 

In July of this year, I felt like I needed a name change. Completely. Jasmine has been dying since December of 09 and Sarah's coming to the surface. Through the flames of the dying old flesh (Jasmine) a new woman is being forged and will be stepping out of the hep of ashes. Out of the ash and simmering coals Sarah will be coming completely forward. I am Sarah!

Psalm 45 Chronicles

The Long Journey Ahead

Psalm 45:10-11 “Listen, O daughter, Consider and incline your ear: Forget your own people also, and your father’s house; So the King will greatly desire your beauty; Because He is your Lord, worship Him.”

In the past few weeks, I’ve expreienced the Lord’s continual tugging on the strings of my heart calling me deeper into the depths of Himself. His love is persuing the closed off places within my soul drawing me into His arms. The daily invitation to dine with Him is amazing. Words really can’t express what I’m feeling. I feel like I can really do all thing through Christ because He is really strengthening me! Its the most beautiful dawn appearing at the end of a death stricken night that I almost did not make it out of.

In the process of “falling in love” with someone, you never see the great unknown until your there. You wake up and you’re like, “What the heck?!” You’re too deep in and you’re too in love to leave. Well, that’s how I feel about this walk with Yeshua. While only a fool could and would deny the Lord’s invitation, I can finally see the cost of it all. My life, dreams, hopes and future is the cost. My family is the cost. Everything and everyone I’ve ever loved and adored is the cost. This is forgetting your own people and your father’s house.

But, is it okay to say that I’m scared? I can feel destiny/eternity knocking on the door. Its more than I could have ever imagined. My mind can’t grasp the science of it all. My hands are still so small too handle it. The light is still too bright for me to make out the shapes and forms within. I’m still weakened and on the floor crying out, “HOLY IS THE LAMB! HOLY THE LAMB!”. There is no strength in my body. I’m waiting for the Lord to touch me and restore me. I know that this journey is cost me everything. This very thing will in the end, cost me my life. Dispite what I know, here I go….